I am damn freaking stress now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant tolerate anymore... I know I must face it, but I'm escaping it now. What am I doing? I feel I'm so different compare to the real me. I know I'm the only person who can help myself, I always promised myself I must face it today, but I feel damn suffer and lost when I facing it. I hate myself!!!!! I very very very very very scared..... I feel like crying now, Can I?

my turn to reply the tag

i should be very serious now, i wouldnt post fake things here.
who is my mr.right? haha.. actually i prefer single more
1. older than me, must be mature, older than me around 5-7 years, i like uncle type wan =)
reason: i want someone to take care me
2. love me
reason: this is normal, who dont want their mr.right love them?
3. handsome??? not necessary
4. give me freedom
reason: i dont like people control me
5. .....

to be continue.....

i very scared people play me with my relationship, i dont hope that will happen.
relationship has no insurance, nobody can guaranty what will happen in the future.
so, cannot simply make a promise or accept people. =)

my personal DNA

do you think its true??? lets try it http://www.personaldna.com/tests.php

You are a Considerate Builder.

ABOUT ME
You are a Builder

You are detail-oriented, cautious, and practical, making you a BUILDER.

You are excellent at focusing on the concrete, functional elements of things, so you're good at making things happen.

Pursuing novel ways of doing things helps you to be efficient.

You're great to have on a team, as you understand how things work and don't let your ego get in the way.

You're perceptive, down-to-earth, and realistic.

You don't see a need to commit to a set routine or schedule—you'd rather improvise a little.

Although you may doubt yourself sometimes, you have the skills and the curiosity to pursue broader adventures.

You like to consider a lot of information before making big decisions, and you think about that information in realistic, thorough ways.

You don't concern yourself with flashy styles or surface appearances—you're far too sensible for that.

Never one to be found in chic boutiques or trendy clothing stores, you take an extremely practical approach to getting dressed.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.



HOW I RELATE TO OTHERS
You are Considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

Never one to be found in chic boutiques or trendy clothing stores, you take an extremely practical approach to getting dressed.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.



Personal DNA maps



Considerate Builder

30 April 2006

My Birthday

today is my big day and sad day, why sad? my sweet 18 is over T.T
i very very very happy, yesterday(29 April 2006) my friends celebrated with me in "Station 1", many people sing birthday song to me, thankyou to all my lovely friends, i love you all forever, this is the 1st year all my lovely friends (keet yeng, wei jie, siang yun, pei wen, chien wey, woei li, chooi yee, chia choon, vincci, dexter, wai ling and tai kim) celebrate birthday with me, who is the 1st 1 to sms me wish me happy birthday? is poh chee, 1 of my best friends, she sms me at 12 o'clock sharp. the next 1 is siang yun. yesterday i went back home and online, yim lee is the 1st 1 to message me in msn and sent testimonial in friendster to wish me. thanks ya... (^.^) she so busy also remember to sent me a wish. just now i received an unknown call, i was very suprise, but when i answer the call i was stun, cause many people sing birthday song to me, i didnt expect that i will receive a special call on today, is my dear dear cai yun and her relative, family and friends sing to me, she's so funny and cute. another 1 person i have to say thankyou to her also, cause she purposely go someplace to online with WEB MESSENGER to wish me and she got sms me too, she is goh yuan ning, a little small girl. my dad want to come back on yesterday and wish me happy birthday, but lucky he cant book the air ticket, if he booked, my friends wouldnt celebrate birthday with me, cause my dad not allow i go out at night. this afternoon my dad call me and wish me, i love you dad and all my lovely friends.

14 April 2006

happy holiday ^_^
my holiday was started!!!!! so excited!!!! can meet my BUNCH of friends again.. keke.. they complain me many times already, but i didnt bother, where got time to hang out with them leh??? never die before meh... chu kwan and lee kai leng complain me many times, especially lee kai leng, since her birhday until now i didnt hang out with her :p haiyor.. not my fault mar.. cannot blame me. why so many people birthday on april >.< i had brankrap!!!!! this year i can celebrate my birthday with my lovely friends~~~ my dad not here, i can play until mid night only back to home, i wont stay outside over night, without my bed i cant sleep well :p hmm.. before i go out, have to show my face to my dad thru video conferencing.. kekeke....

die
why die?? because of exam again!!!! i die hardly in my exam la.. sure resit 1... no eyes see!!!! hope have miracle ler!!!! dont influence my holiday mood, i was very exited now!!!! keke... tommorow go PC fair with cky, hope wei jie and siang yun go also la... oki.. bye....

27 October 2005

October 27

today ar... hehehe...

today i watch "all about love" with cai yun in 1u GSC. this movie ok la, not too bad, although got a bit bored, quite touch ler... ofcourse i dint cry la.. i wont cry easily. hehe.. the character i like the most is charlene choi, shes so cute and is a nice wife in the movie, inside her car got a electro doggie, very cute eh.. wish to have it ler.

24 October 2005

October 24

aiyor...

i admit im a "big head prawn", i scared myself la, i though i forgot bring back my thumb drive from college, then i quickly go back, on the way i was thinking where i put, i remember i got bring out from lab, then i call back ask my mum help me check my bag, she found it in my bag, aiyor.. how can i did this stupid mistake. im so blur~~~~~~~~
this afternoon i call kai leng, hehehe.. i keep saying i wanna buy minnie mouse for her, now she very hate minnie already, cause she want mickey, i keep revolt her. she said she going have heart attack soon. hahaha... she very jin gak 1.. i said after i back from hk and china she must accompany me go gym, swimming.. cause im sure i will fat than now after i back from there, then she said the first day u reach, ur weight is no different with now, the second day ur face will appear double chin, the third day ur face will got 3 chin, then my body will be fat and fat more.. choi!choi!choi! pui!pui!pui! touch wood!! i dont want!!!!!!!! become so fat i rather kill myself! although now i very fat, thats why i want to stop myself!

23 October 2005

October 23
weird....
am i weird? my dad and mum said im a weird girl ler, where got parents say their kids weird 1, haiyor.. cacatnya... hmm... i have to blame lee kai leng already, she lor, i always join her, she influence me become so weird, hahaha, if i say this to her, im sure she will said your firt name dont call "chow" change it to "lai" it suitable to you, hmm.. let me think what i want to answer her back, erm.. i think i will answer "not bad wor, next time i find a guy first name call "lai" 1 then i marry him, i change my first name to "lai" lor", hahaha.. sometimes i will feel that time pass very slow, sometimes the time pass very fast, i really very scared i cant finish my project, the 1st time i so worry~~~ >.<
i donno why when i face stranger or unfamiliar friends i will very quiet. actually my real face is quite playful, like funny or cacat things, and very 38 la.. actually i like to act childish front of keet yeng, shes look like a big sister, very helpful, i think when she face me, she will feel headache.. hahaha.. but donno why recently i seldom act like a child front of her already... if you ask how was my college life? maybe you will think my college life is bored~~~ at first i also felt very bored, but now used to it already, quite enjoy my "silent life"... i like to argue with yuan ning, she ar.. another 1 cacat girl, i scold her prawn, she scold me crab pulark.. i always revolt her..both of you always scold each other bodoh, baka, kabo, stupid, stewpid, si tu butt.... haiyor.. our conversation so stupid la.. if i din online few days, she will ask yimlee why JJ dint online, last time her hp haven lost, she will sms me, she very funny, before her hp lost, she sent me those cute cute picture bout her for me.. sometimes really beh tahan her, herself want to act sopo enough lor, want me accompany her o.. once a time, she tie front of her hair then sent the picture to me, she force me do the same action then take the picture send to her o.. haiyor.. pai seh la... now her hp lost already, and she dont want get a new hp, haihz.. sometimes we will cold war a while, she always lost 1, she cannot stand then she will scold me stupid la u, blablabla... aiyor.. herself dont want choi me first, she scold me bin tai pulark... let her gek sei already... last time i always said if one day i die already, you no need ask me why, cause im let you gek sei 1... erm.. if im not mistaken i know her on 26 April 2004.. aiyor.. know her 1 and half year already.. but sometimes she very good la.. when im sad she will make me happy and act stupid.. aiyor.. cannot say too much bout her.. later she scold me again.. haha.. i stop here la..

18 October 2005

October 18
worry >.<
next friday i go hong kong and china lu.. but i very very very worry my project, i have to quick quick finish it, after hari raya i still got 2 weeks more have to submit my project already, i dont worry my exam, cause i still got time to study it, but project is very important to me, and im worry that i not enough time to finish it, i can proceed to year1 or not also dependz on my project >.< my dad had book the air ticket, and i cannot ask him change the date because of me, if change until after my exam my brother dont have leave, i cannot so self fish. @nyway.. wish me have a happy holiday! hope so. in between, this two weeks, i should be very very very very hardworking to do my project, if not i really cannot finish on the dot. if now i still in secondary dont think i will worry. now i found that i had different with last time. today feel sorry to yuanning, cause i fong fei kei, sowee...

16 October 2005

October 16
hmm...
i watched already lu.. on wednesday(12.10.2005) night 11.50, this movie is very meaning full, although the story not very nice. the next day again i very very very sleepy and went to college, after class i talking on the phone with my friend i go through canteen, suddently got incoming call, is yim lee leh.. she ar.. that day on my webcam then ask me go to cut my hair, before that keep asking me keep long my hair, now i keeping long lor, she ask me why i din cut behind of my hair. after that i went back catholic with kai leng, we went to sport center, kai leng was so happy, she go to play with her basketball friends, then i saw lee lyn sitting there, i go to her place thr n talk with her lor, yor.. very bei la the "lai ma" suddently use whistle blow me o, don care la.. then i continue talk with lee lyn lor, she really very cute la, she told me many about someone, very funny la, duh, she told me about the ppl who mou leong sam 1 scratched the watch i gave her, the mou leong sam was very sam tong and said "JJ give me de watch got scratched already eh" hahaha, bodoh la her. at nite, the mou leong sam ppl still scolded me, said we went back on the time she was busy wor... i saw her sitting in the counter there only wor, like that means busy ka?????? -.- ~.~ friday afternoon joyce called me, she want me go back and practise netball, aiyok.. my landing foot very cacat already, pai seh la.. i saw "lai ma", i used whistle blow her back, hahaha... haihz... i go back not because of practise ler.. someone said miss me mar, i mai go back lor, u guyz know who is the mou leong sam ppl?goh yuan ning lor, except her no others de la, haihz.. forget it, mou leong sam ppl is like this 1 la.. hmm.. she still owe me birthday present!!!! since 30 april 2005 untill now

06 October 2005

October 06
tired~~~~
today i very tired ler.. yesterday nite went to pyramid watch the myth with kai leng, got a bit feel sorry to her, cos she watch it before with mei kwan, but before that she promise me already mar.. then she said nevermind she accompany me watch again. after that i sent her back, myself 2.45a.m. only reach home, today 8.25 woke up, cos 9 o'clock got class. since i open school until now everyday also have to face programming, very bored la... although programming very interested, everyday face it leh.. sommore want to solve the problem. now my brain got 90% also thinking of programming.

03 October 2005

03 October 2005
erm... today is 2005 pmr 1st day, let me think back when i during form3, tat yr is me the most happy in chs. tat time i was sit with my best friend cai yun, she very funny 1.. sometimes her mood very good, she will talk alotz nonsence to you, but when she have a bad mood ar.. aiyor... better don go near of her.. i always help her do her class work 1, cos when she angry she wont do anything, i scared she let teacher scold, then argue with teacher, so i help her do lor. she treat everyone very true and nice, i very happy i got this kind of friend. when my club got competition got permission let me go duty, no nit sit in class, she said i leave her alone in class o, and ar.. she always ponteng class with carmen and sharon, also leave me alone in class lork, i din say anything also. UNFAIR!!! last time we like to put our books in class, cos our class afternoon nobody use. hahaha.. we so lazy, our bag very very light, got 2 or 3 exercise books only.

when i form3 my english teacher is mr.lim, he very cute 1 as a doreamon, and he speak cantonese with kai leng, mei kwan, wai keng and me. we always make noise in his class, sometimes kai leng 4got what he teach, then ask mr. lim again lor.. actually i remember, but kai leng din ask me straight away ask him, then he ask me explaine to kai leng, after that he said kai leng when i teach u din concentreate blablabla.. once a time, he gav us back our test paper, kai leng and mei kwan stil owe 1 mark then pass, kai leng and mei kwan ask him giv them 1 more mark, he don1 giv o.. summore sing song to them, congratualation blablabla.. i ntg to do mar.. i got 48, then ask him giv me few marks more, then he added 2 marks for me o.. hahaha.. so funny...

hmmm.. when during pmr tat week very happy also, when having break time everyone stay in class or canteen study, kai leng, mei kwan, keet yeng and me always go amcrop mall da gei.. so naughty.. everyone study hard for pmr we go to play.hahaha...

after pmr, we got ntg to do, we back to school play competition lor. after recess, we got ntg to do, we go back class lor, our class nobody attend, except yuen yee, tze yang, mei kwan, kai leng and me only. before yuen yee and tze yang back to class, mei kwan, kai leng and me found many books in the desk, then we use it to play baseball, mei kwan and me take the books throw on kai leng thr, kai leng use broom hit the book. hahaha.. after yuen yee and tze yang came in, we sit down and chat until the bell ring.

02 October 2005

October 02
Open school liao lu...
holiday over liao lu.. the 1st day i back to college, i was very very very sleepy, and my face feel like very hard, cant smile. but after i got my timetable i awake oredi, cos its seem like very full, this sems we got 2 modules only, 1 is prgramming, another 1 is PROJECT!!!!! but after my course leader explaine to us, i felt ok oredi, cos most of the time we can choose wan to stay at home do our BIG project or do it in college. ofcos i'll choose stay at home, 1st i can do it anytime i like, 2nd don nit to waste my petrol to go college, 3rd i can sleep more.. (kekeke..).

29 September 2005

September 29
suddenly miss my secondary school life very much
Donno y today suddenly think back my secondary school life. if now i ask my friends, what i did in form5??? im sure they will answer me sleep during the class and ponteng or late to school. When u can see me whole week in school? netball competition tat week lor. all my friends donno why i so love netball. everytime said i crazy in netball blablabla... cos they donno netball court let me feel comfortable. there are no stress for me. actually i got a bit miss my secondary's teachers, ms. sharmini, mr lim, pn. ellen all of them very funny... hahaha.. especially ms.sharmini. kai leng, mei kwan, wai keng and me always ponteng together. once a time we ponteng then the next day we back to school, ms.sharmini came to our place to ask us why we din go to school yesterday, we all hang kei oredi, donno what we shud answer, then she ask us izzit our class too noisy oredi, so we stay at home and study ourselve. hahaha.. that is a good excuse.

24 September 2005

September 24
Holiday
this semester i got 2 weeks holiday again, since after exam i nearly everyday go out with friends until 2 or 3 o'clock only back to home, but quite happy. We went to watch movie or disco . i watch a lots of movie in a week, the most memorable movie is CREEP.Cos i watch this movie i let my friend scared me more than let that movie scared me. When the ugly & terrible guyz wanna cum out, im ready to close my ears n eyes, then my friend suddenly pull my shirt n pants o.. and shout on my ears.. lucky i used my hand close my ears oredi...if not i deaf oredi.. hahaha.. so funny la her. Now is the second week, very bored!!! everyday stay at home n wait for the time pas. i bcum a piggie lor.. eat n sleep only, now very fat liao tim.. hmm... worrying my result!!!!! >.<